


My Heart's Always With You

by maddestofthemad



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky/Steve - Freeform, Captain America - Freeform, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Stucky - Freeform, steve/bucky - Freeform, winter soldier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-06
Updated: 2014-06-06
Packaged: 2018-02-03 16:42:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1751525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddestofthemad/pseuds/maddestofthemad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since Bucky shipped out, Steve has been writing letters that he never sent.  He never suspected what those letters would bring him in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Heart's Always With You

At first, Steve thought it was a joke. How had Fury gotten his hands on the box? He stared down at it as he held it, edges of old envelopes sticking out at odd angles.

“After you were declared dead, your things were collected; these were among them. Figured it was about time you had your own stuff back, don’t you think?”

Steve was never sure if Fury knew what he had handed him. Relics of a time long past, much like Steve himself.

When he finally arrived home that night, he placed the box carefully on his end table, sitting beside it, staring at his hands. He couldn’t escape the past, no matter how hard he tried. War, the death of friends, fighting for something that took everything. He ran a hand through his hair with a sigh; Coulson’s death was recent, and it hurt just as much as all the others. But there was one…

Steve reached out for the box, the tips of his fingers shaking ever so slightly, and took one of the envelopes. Opening it slowly, he read the first line:

_You shipped out today. I’m hoping this finds you._

He closed his eyes.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

It became a form of catharsis for Steve over the next few months to read the old letters he had written to Bucky, all undelivered. They held small tidbits of a life he hadn’t known in so long, stories from just after Bucky shipped out to the time when Steve became a Super Soldier. They held descriptions of times Steve rarely recalled in his nightmares, moments of a life that was full of people he loved. When he read the last one, written a day before he had rescued the 107th, he felt a longing so deep it couldn’t be ignored, no matter how many punching bags he ruined.

He began to write anew.

Each letter took its place in the box, tucked away in a closet.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky was alive.

Steve couldn’t believe it. Dreams became memories wreathed in darkness and guilt. Bucky was alive, but he was not the man Steve had known, at least not on the surface. Looking into those eyes had been like gazing into the eyes of a wounded animal: terrified and in pain. Steve felt that pain as his own – loss had already broken his heart, but this was worse than loss. The man he had known, the one he had written letters to, the one he missed above all others…was lost.  
Steve would bring him back.

Sam pledged his help in finding Bucky, and they searched. Steve still wrote the letters, but differently now. Each letter spoke of the Bucky of old and his smile, the times they spent together laughing. There were also bits and pieces of the small things Bucky had missed over the years as the Winter Soldier, things Steve had been catching up on himself.

_Sam introduced me to the Trouble Man soundtrack. I think you would like it._

One night, when Steve’s frustration had him at the end of his rope and him and Sam had just arrived back at their shitty hotel room for the night, Steve grabbed the box of letters and disappeared. Sam, used to Steve’s antics, gave him his space.

Finding a nearby park, Steve sat beneath a tree, and poured all his frustration, his loneliness, and his love into one last letter.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Bucky,_

_I remember the day you shipped out. I went to see you off, smiling through my own pain and jealousy. I wanted to go. Not just to fight, but to be with you. You were always there for me, and I’ve always been true to you. I wish I had told you this back then, but better to say it now than never._

_When I woke up, they said we won. They didn’t say what we’d lost. I knew what I had lost. But then you were here. You were actually here. I’ve been searching for you, hoping to help you remember the man you once were – what we once were. I’ve waited so long just to come hold you. To be with you once more. I may be making it through, with help, but you and I…we’ve proven our love over time’s so strong, in everything we do. We always come back to one another._

_So I’m looking for you, Buck. It’s time to come home. I will search every night, with only the stars as light if it will bring me closer to you._

_Come home, Buck._

_I love you._

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Tears fell onto the paper, smudging some of the words. Steve swiped at his eyes in surprise, so intent on his words he hadn’t even realize he was crying. With a small feeling of finality, he placed the letter in the box and leaned back against the tree, closing his eyes.

As the sun began to peak over the horizon, a glint of metal reflected the light as a hand reached around the tree, steel brushing against cardboard with hesitation and uncertainty. A baseball cap shadowed the face of the man with the metal arm, but as he pulled it towards himself slowly, one eye to the sleeping form of Steve Rogers, light angled under the brim, revealing an exhausted and pale face. Sitting back on his knees just a few feet from Steve, the man carefully began to sort through the letters, eyeing the dates on them as his hands shook.

When the sun truly began to climb into the sky and morning broke over the park, Steve stirred, blinking slowly into wakefulness. A nearby shadow made him jolt the rest of the way awake, and he was half to his feet when he realized who was sitting in front of him, head bowed over the box of letters. Steve’s legs threatened to give out beneath him as he slowly sank back into his seat against the tree.

“Bucky…” he breathed.

The man looked up, the brim of his cap rising until Steve could see the face that so often he dreamed about. He was startled to see the shine of tears in Bucky’s eyes as they stared at each other, the depth of emotion breathtaking. Steve reached out, freezing when Bucky flinched but did not pull away. Ever so slowly, he let his fingers brush up against Bucky’s, both of them holding the box between them.

Steve smiled, feeling his chest tighten at the well of emotions rolling over him.

“Welcome home.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to the song "Gunslinger" by Avenged Sevenfold, and the last letter that Steve writes centers around one of the verses from that song. There is also a gifset that can be found at http://themaddestofthemad.tumblr.com/post/88021046874/my-hearts-always-with-you-a-steve-bucky-fic


End file.
